Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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