You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
