Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
even my farts smell like vagina
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
