So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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