After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
