We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
