I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
