oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
