I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
