I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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