So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
