Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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