My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
