i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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