its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
