Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
