We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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