remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
