Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
