There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
