No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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