bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
