After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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