Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
