i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
