Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
