I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
