so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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