I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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