found the other keg... it's in the tree
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
