i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
