Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
