Don't you send me to vm
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
