is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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