yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
