I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
