I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
