Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
