Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
