Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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