____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
