4 words: hood of his car
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
