You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
