based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
