I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
