Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
