franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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