You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
