jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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