my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
