Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
