i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
